Ladies and Gentlemen, Matt Hicks

Chapter 7: Excuse me, President Hicks

Hi there everyone.....Well I finally made it to the White House about 4 months ago. I met some interesting people and saw damn near everything in the city. I only tripped over about 200 homeless people. I have noticed that there is a common theme between my trips to cities and homeless people. Well the city that houses our wonderful President was the worst of all...how ironic. Either way it is a pretty cool city, lots of free crap to do and you can walk everywhere.

This woman has been living outside the White House since 1981 in this tent. She was wearing a helmet. Needless to say she doesn't like our current president. Pretty crazy stuff.....

This here is a T-Rex King of the dinosaurs. Next to him was Fred Flintstone using a Flamingo as a golf club. I said "Holy Crap Fred you're going to break that freakin' birds neck.".....He slapped Wilma.

I wonder how they got this elephant through the front door.

I toured NPR and it was sweet. Now I know where all my morning shows are taped.

So much damn history took place here and I don't know a thing about it.

I saw it all...PLANES IN BUILDINGS!!!! PLANES IN BUILDINGS!!! THERE IS A PLANE IN THIS BUILDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and the Golden wiener of Rah

Nothin like a giant stone wiener in the middle of the field to make my day.

I could not resist.

I put a nickel in the slot and he stood up and did a little dance. I put another nickel in his hat. What a job.

Korean War Monument..... I love M*A*S*H

Same Ding Dong different angle

The White House is not really all that impressive. It just looks like it needs a paint job.

Chapter 6: Sunny Seattle

Hello for those that still check this every once in a while. I decided I should maybe put more pics up of stuff I do to show you how interesting my life is. I got back from Seattle a long time ago. I went to visit Megan and we partied like it was post-war. Seattle was one of the coolest cities yet. I ate so much fish I grew gills and farted bubbles.

This is a monk fish. It is ugly looking like my cousin Leroy.

This is an asian woman selling flowers. All asians sell flowers.

Here is Professor Chong explaining how to properly stack a crab.

Great pic of Megan and I wearing the same clothes that we wore the day before and the day before that and the day before that.

We found these rocks

Megan loves fishing boats.

"My God is he going to throw that,"said Matt. He threw the fish.

Thanks for the scars you little bastards. There is nothing like waking up at 4 in the morning with a cat deciding your butt crack would make a great place to sleep.

Seattle mountain bike trail. Megan walks really fast.

Chapter 5: Fun in the sun with no pants

Ok I am really far behind on my posts. I still have Seattle and DC to go. And Orlando ahead of me. I can't wait to go back to the crap-hole of the penis state. Anyways here is San Diego. It rocked!! I stayed in one of the top beach resorts in the nation, and a rat got into our room. A big ass rat. I crapped the sheets. Here are some pics:

I got married. We are doing well. Three kids and a dog named peanut.

We drove by this everyday while blasting Mexican music in mini-van. One day there was a guy up there mowing the bricks. I yelled "ey chico you can't mow no bricks" he was like "que"

I tried to teach Adam a new beer opening trick. He screwed it up as you can see. I laughed.

Adam's bro came to visit and I slept in bed with his cousin for two or three night. It was pretty funny. Here is a bird.

I painted this.

This is were we stayed. Pretty awesome. It was also haunted, so I had to go all ghost busters on its ass.

This woman was walking on the beach with two parrots. I fed her a cracker.

Yeah I drew a wiener in the sand.

Look out Iran here we come.

Chapter 4: City of Parks

Tearing up the slopes and watching movies in Park City. My opinion of Sundance is it can kiss my ass. Park City is beautiful, but it consists of one street of bars and shops. Here is our conversation every night:
Me: Hey luke what do you want to do tonight?
Luke: We could go out and drink til we can't feel feelings.
Me: Sounds good. Where do you want to go?
Luke: The strip.
Me: What strip?
Luke: The main one.
Me: Oh you mean the only fuckn' strip in this small ass town where you need to buy a freakin membership to get into a bar and it will cost us about $10 to walk through the door then we have to stand in a crowded ass bar where we thought there would be people our age, but it turns out only old farts go to Sundance so we decide this is pretty lame lets go back to the cabin where the other 9 people are and they are asleep and it is only freakin ten oclock at night.
Luke: Yes.
Me: Cool.

Soy busted his ankle the first day. Luke called it. I cursed the mountain.

Here is some of the group. Nobody liked anyone enough to put their arm around each other.

Luke and some dude he knew was famous but didnt know his name at the time. It turns out, P. Diddy.

Me and a bear.

The strip. Best strip ever.

I slept here the first night. I laid on a crib mattress in a 2X6 space. Worst sleep ever. Thank god I was drunk.

Luke and I were drunk and everyone else was asleep because of a long night of talking about their feelings and having a good cry.

Chapter 3: Rampage San Fran, CA

I went to a show in San Fran not to long ago. The city was the hillyest place since Dolly Parton's boobies. BAM eat that Dolly with your singing and terrible childhood. San Fran is pretty sweet except you step on a bum every five feet. That market is saturated with begging crazies. So future bums look elsewhere. Anyways here are some pics.

I drove to Muir Woods. These are giant redwoods. It was like the Star Wars with the Ewoks. I actually caught one and befriended it. It then bit me so I let it free. If you are reading this you little beefer I will get you back one of these days.